How often do we say "I love you"? When a friend or a loved one dies, we wish we'd said "I love you" more often. But then it is too late...
"I love you" seems to be a "loaded" statement. It requires a form of commitment to say these words. We might have to overcome the fear of expressing our true feelings. Maybe we don't trust ourselves to follow up on our momentary emotional honesty. What does it mean for us to say "I love you"? What are the stories, the baggage, the duties we take on by sharing our hearts?
Look, I'm no shrink - I'm speaking only from my own experience, but maybe you can identify with some of my observations. I'm NOT talking about the easy "I love you's" between happily-married couples or folks in a committed relationship - such as a parent/child or a longterm friend/friend situation.
I want to look at the moments when we hesitate to follow our natural desire to say "I love you", or even abandon our initial intention because something scares us into a more "comfortable" silence.
Just as with so many other things in our lives - when we are about to say "I love you" - we take our past and put it into our future!
We quickly go back over our entire emotional history and think about everything that happened the last times we said "I love you", and we expect the same things to happen this time again. We subconsciously pre-load our spontaneous feelings and when we finally decide to express them they come out somewhat like this:
I love you because I usually get a great boost to my self-esteem from your positive reaction and we have a lovely time together until things start to cool off and it gets really awkward for a while and we call it quits and that hurts - and I better shouldn't have said I love you in the first place.
I love you but then you might want to get married and all of a sudden my money goes out the door for all kinds of clothing and furniture which we don't need if we don't move in together leave alone having kids and I work my butt off and have no more fun...let me just say - I really like you!
I love you but what if I'm not good enough for you and when we get closer you'll find out about all my bad habits and weaknesses and I'm sure your mother will have something to say about me that will influence you negatively towards me and I couldn't possibly survive a rejection of my feelings - why can't we just be friends for a while?
Funny, isn't it? Notice how the "I love you's" are closely followed by "I" or "me" references?
Putting The You Back Into I Love You
Letting go of the ego...
Honestly, When I Say "I Love You" -
I think about me first...
When I say "I love you" - I automatically think of all the benefits I might get from that statement:
- A really nice, warm and fuzzy feeling inside.
- A return assurance that you love me, too.
- A friend/partner for the future.
- A grateful smile of appreciation.
- A feeling of satisfaction through my "giving" gesture.
Actually, there's nothing wrong with this list, right? But...
Could it be that there is more to "true love" than an exchange of cozy feelings?
Could it be that "I love you" means...
I am now committed to your well-being
regardless of my thoughts or feelings?
regardless of my thoughts or feelings?
Questions...
Looking for answers
Have we ever claimed to love someone unconditionally - if they love us, too?
Could it be that we confuse "love" with "infatuation"?
Should we say "I love you" only when we really mean it? Mean what?
Are there any different degrees and definitions of love?
What is "true love"?
If love hurts - is it love?
Which is "blind" - love or infatuation? Or something else?
Could it be that we confuse "love" with "infatuation"?
Should we say "I love you" only when we really mean it? Mean what?
Are there any different degrees and definitions of love?
What is "true love"?
If love hurts - is it love?
Which is "blind" - love or infatuation? Or something else?
"DON'T YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU?!" Hmm...really?
We Say I Love You - How? When? Why?
Do we need instructions? Guidelines? Caution?
I've been there. I've said "I love you" and the person pulled away, shocked: "Why did you say that? It's too soon - you don't know it yet!"
Is it necessary - or even possible - to "know it"? Shouldn't "I love you" come spontaneously from the heart?
Is it necessary - or even possible - to "know it"? Shouldn't "I love you" come spontaneously from the heart?
You say: I love you. How, when, why?
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